by Meredith Crouch and Sydney Perkins |

For many high schoolers, this is when they figure out who they are and what they want to do with their lives. Students make and lose friends and many fall in and out of love. They find out a lot about themselves and how they interact with others during their time in high school; they are slowly being molded into adults.

An issue among teens who are dating is that they may lead to the risk of being involved in an unhealthy relationship.

“I think a lot of times we think about domestic violence and abusive relationships as being adult relationships, we think of abuse as hitting. We don’t think about it necessarily as teenagers,” Prevention Coordinator Amy Tuso said.

An unhealthy relationship can fall under many different categories. It could be physical, emotional or even mentally harmful to one or both members of the relationship; there is a continuous circle of violence that occurs. Because of the never-ending highs and lows, it can sometimes be hard to realize and admit that you are, in fact, in an unhealthy relationship.

“If you cannot connect, or are just butting heads all the time, or are always fighting, [you are in an unhealthy relationship] if you start fighting within the first week you know its not going to last,” sophomore Savon Hays said.

According to Tuso, teens may experience being in unhealthy relationships and every relationship is different. Teens will often be in denial, telling themselves it will get better and to just stay with the person because they love them. They might tell themselves there is no one else they would rather be with or that no one else would love them like this person.

“In abusive relationships there is a stage of normal, then tension builds, then something happens, not necessarily always violence but some type of controlling behavior, something mean said. Something yuck.” Tuso said. “And then there’s the honeymoon stage, ‘Oh I love you, let me buy you flowers.’ Then there’s the stage of normal, then the tension builds again. It’s important to know that in abusive relationships, it’s not always this constant state of mean because nobody would stay.”

First, Tuso says it is important to be able to recognize when things are not going well. There are some big warning signs. Tuso said in adolescences most dating violence is not punching and hitting, most dating violence is centered more on control.

“My boyfriend was very controlling, he had to know everything I did and basically wanted me to ask for his permission. He would tell me if I needed to change if I wore something he didn’t like and didn’t like when I participated in spirit days,” Jenny* said. “He did not get along with a lot of my friends, so we could never all hang out in a group. Towards the end, everything to him became about one thing. He always wanted to push me trying to get me to do things I didn’t want, and became obsessed with it. Every time we hung out it eventually became all about trying to get me to give in, and [he] would become very aggressive when I wouldn’t,”

Next, when problems occur, Tuso says it is important to first talk to the other person about the problem first.

“Talk to the person about it first and see how it goes, maybe set some boundaries with them,” junior Noelle Prideaux said. “Tell them, ‘When you do this, I feel this,’ and if that doesn’t work try to talk to an adult about it and weigh the pros and cons of if this is the best relationship to be in right now.”

Teens involved in these relationships are often stereotyped as weak or naive, when in reality, these situations can happen to anyone.

“I know a lot of girls say, “I’m just fine” when they are not, so you really do have to be honest,” senior Julie Staszko said. “You have to be able to understand each other’s wants and priorities and you have to be able to communicate your emotions.”

Finally, if things do not get better after talking with the other person, Tuso said it is important to recognize when enough is enough. Sometimes it takes someone else’s point of view to get a person to realize their problem.

“I would just listen to them and let them talk it out and give them as much advice as I could,” junior Serena Baker said. “I would tell them to open their eyes and look at the situation from another person’s perspective.”

No one enjoys the sadness and awkwardness of a break up, but sometimes it is the only option and is best for both members of the relationship to move on.

“Towards the end there was a lot of talk of breaking up, and getting back together and constant back and forth. But finally one day I was done, and I think he knew that. He didn’t make me happy anymore, so it was time to be done once and for all,” Jenny* said.

There are many different opinions circulating about teenagers dating in high school. It might be said it is a distraction to academics or that teens are too young to make safe decisions.

“I have seen relationships greatly diminish student success,” chemistry teacher Stuart Jorgensen said. “Be it distracted students in class, or unfinished homework from the night before, it is incredibly important to keep relationships, school, and extracurricular activities balanced to be successful.”

But healthy high school relationships can also be beneficial.

“I feel it’s a good thing for teenagers to learn commitment but it shouldn’t be at a really young age.” junior Mikaela Vittoria said. “They should experience different situations in life and different people and have fun.”

One mistake teenagers make in unhealthy relationships is thinking there is no way out. When problems occur, it is always a good idea to turn to family or a close friend for advice. If that is not an option or the problem becomes very serious, Tuso said school counselors can help.

“The counselor would talk with the student about how they would set better boundaries.” Tuso said. “Maybe choose different partners or how do they have conversations with their significant other about what they like or don’t like, or what they want or don’t want and things like that. It really just kind of depends on the situation and where in that continuum of abuse of unhealthy it is.”